Advice for Foreign Visitors to the Edinburgh Festival
September 7th, 2005 by
James
I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue has made a welcome return to Radio Four in the last couple of weeks. From this week’s edition, a rather misleading guide to the Edinburgh Festival from the teams:
- If a bizarrely dressed stranger accosts you with a handful of flyers for a show, it is your duty to carry out a citizen’s arrest.
- Going on to London after the festival? Remember to stock up with banknotes. London cabbies just love them.
- Policemen are addressed as “tit face”.
- Remember when chatting up local ladies to use the old Gaelic word for beauty pronounced “minger”.
- The Big Issue is free.
- At the Tattoo, be sure to bring your own gun.
- Visit our parks: The swans are delicious.
- It’s only a short cab ride out to Edinburgh’s famous Gatwick Airport.
- If taken ill suddenly, please remember all churches have a box marked “for the sick”.
- Late night walking tours of Leith are very popular and the guides are often found standing on street corners.
- Audience participation: When the signets come on in Swan Lake, be the first to join the end of the conga line.
